Well it's just weird that I was praying for a phone call, and I GOT ONE!!! Tonight when I got home from work!! I had just gotten home from the grocery store, I bought some stuff to make myself a beef roast this weekend, and thank GOD I had my phone in my pocket, cause I felt my phone buzzing! And it was my Petey!!!! I cant believe how everytime I need a phone call, its like the man has a buzzer in his head and he calls me! but I feel so bad....I worried him I think. :( I told him how they cut my hours at work, and he asked "how much did they cut them?" So I said "I only work like 36-38 hours a week instead of 40" And his reply was, very quietly, "oh Jesus Christ....well, when my mom cuts that check for you, make sure you use it for whatever you need it for....and take some of it and go out with Tommy and Davie (his friends) and have a good time."
I dont want to spend his money on that though! That's our wedding/vacation money!!! :*( And I told him that Ive been trying to get a second job, but I just cant wake up in the mornings to get up and get one....no matter what time I go to bed I just CANT GET UP!!!! And he dosent want me to wear myself into the ground, and to make it all worse, I have HUGE knots in my back under my left shoulderblade. :( They hurt WAY bad, and he told me to for sure take that money and see a massagetherapist. I could sure use that! I might do that much with his money, but knowing me I probably wont!! UGH! And he sounded SO depressed!!! I wish I could DO something for him.......crap, this just sucks!! He kept saying "i love you, and I miss you so much". And im supposed to go out there for his homecoming, and then have to COME BACK HERE?!?!?!?!?!? HOW THE HELL CAN I DO THAT?!?!?!? I honestly dont know if ill be able to. He's already looking into getting housing for the both of us, so that way I can come out to him ANYTIME. Which if he gets the housing, will be sooner rather than later....UGH....this just sucks!! I miss him SO much it physically hurts. And I already have insomnia, and now its way worse....Deployments suck....im going to try to get some sleep before I lose my mind, as if I havent lost it already. I already lost my heart....its on the other side of the world, in the f*&^ing sandbox!!! :*( God I miss him. I pray that he comes home safe and soon.....and I never want to leave him again. He has nightmares sometimes, and I always wake up right before he has them. Its so sad. Ill wake him up when he starts talking in his sleep, and starts moving around really fast....and Ill wake him up and say "your home honey, im here, youre okay." And he'll just jump, look at me and cry. I DO NOT want him to deal with things like that ALONE! I cant.....I just cant. So when he comes home, dont be surprised if I just stay out there lol. Well, after I come home to pack up all my stuff anyway! :) I miss him so much......Ive never felt an emptiness like this before. Ill write more later, time for bed....try to sleep anyway.
1 comment:
Pete sure does remind me an aweful lot like Amel . . . knows just when to call or send a letter to try and bring a smile to your face. I just wish the two of you could be together already. I hate seeing you so upset like this, just as much as you hate seeing me upset. But we will be together soon with our loved ones. And no matter where you go, you will send me whatever kind of mail you can! Let it be e-mail or snailmail, you know it will suit me just fine. And I promise you that no matter where I am, MA or MS I will write you whichever way I can!! Love you so much, my dear sweet sister!! Go get yourself a full body massage, trust me, it's worth it!
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