So for the most part, I always try to be as positive as I can be. I can't stand constant negativity...it doesn't make for anything good in life to always be negative or to only focus on the negative things in life, right? So then why all of a sudden do I feel so, 'Oh woe is me?'
I guess I'm just feeling like the weight of the world is once again resting itself upon my shoulders. My husband gets out of the Navy in May, finding work is a feat in and of itself, my almost 19 year old cat isn't doing too well, my mom's car just took a crap-and will cost $500-600 to fix, I will be leaving behind some great friends here in VA when we move back home to MN, the economy sucks, my husband is putzing when it comes to getting things done to get a job, or to even keep a job....my list really can go on and on...there's so much that needs to be done before we move. And I feel like I'm going to be doing it all alone.
And when we do move back home, we might have to live with my in laws for a while. Fine, dandy, whatever. But they don't want me to bring my cat. Well, she's part of our family too. I can't just drop her off somewhere....and I worry that something might happen to her while we're there. Like she'd get outside somehow and that would be the last I ever saw of her. Sure, she gets on my nerves once in a while, who or what doesn't? But I don't want that to happen! She's my deployment buddy!!! She was the only one that was always there for me when my husband was deployed...
Which leads up to another thing. I CANNOT stand it when people tell me, "Why doesn't your husband just stay in the Navy? It's not like he'll be deployed to Iraq or anything."
Can we say, "Hello retard!!?" He's a Corpsman. Which means that he's ALWAYS stationed with the Marines. So yes, that makes him their, "Doc". Which means, a Marine gets injured in any way, HE is one of the few that will do anything in his power to save that Marine's life. Hell, my husband has patched up Airmen, Sailors, Marines, Soldiers, Civilians, and sometimes even the bad guys!!! But I'm not supposed to worry, because "oh, he won't deploy....he's a squid!" Oh honey....how about you open mouth and insert foot. Because you're about to eat your words. (Better hope they're sweet!) But seriously....He's deployed twice now to Iraq, I don't think that he should just 're-enlist' to keep a steady paycheck coming. At what cost? Seriously?! Anyone who has had to deal with PTSD and the never-ending effects of it can't say shit until they've been there, and seen that person crying, and have seen that person sweat in their sleep, and wake up screaming and crying. If you've been there, my heart goes out to you. If you haven't and you sit there making your harsh judgements. Shame on you. I do NOT want to see my husband go through this again. Not for the sake of a paycheck, not for the sake of 'free medical insurance' and 'free housing'. At what cost is this 'free' that those people speak of? I don't think anyone should say anything until they know what the fuck they're talking about. And until then. Keep your simple minded opinions and uneducated thoughts to yourself. Thank you.
That and there's the fact of, oh, I don't know....WE HAVE A 6 MONTH OLD SON TO THINK ABOUT!? I wonder huh? If my husband did deploy again, he'd miss at least, LEAST 6 months of his son's life. I give SO much respect to those that do this, again and again, like many of our dear friends do, but I honestly don't think I could bear it. And I know, my husband would not, COULD NOT forgive himself for missing out. It is just not an option anymore. That and the fact of the matter that I just don't function well without my husband anymore. We're a team....and I can't seem to find an "I" in team...
And my poor cat....she's old sure. But don't tell me that, "It's just a cat, get over it." Bite me. I am an only child. She's been in my life for almost 19 years, and I'm supposed to just, "get over it." Wow....could you be any more shallow and heartless? Honestly. That would be like me telling you after your baby sister who was 18 years old dies to, "just get over it." Get real. My cat is sick, she's like a sibling to me....I love her and she's one of the most dear things I have left here on this earth. I don't want to even THINK about anything bad happening to her....When I lost Nikki, our old dog when she was 16 years old....my heart broke into a thousand pieces. I'm one of those rare individuals that actually believes in loving my fur babies for life. They go where I go, no if's, and's, or but's about it. If the cat can't go where I go, then I don't go. It's as simple as that.
And now, my mom's car took a shit. Great. She just had a full hisdirectomy, and she's healing up great. She has the OK to go back to work on Saturday....but now her car shit. Great great great.....Fuck. She can't walk to and from work? In Minnesota?! where it's 100 degrees one day, and then -25 the next?! Are you kidding me?! If I was still home, I'd bring her my truck and let her drive that, but guess what? I'M IN VIRGINIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just want to scream....I feel so helpless....If we had more money, I would just loan her the $500-600 to fix her stupid car....but she only paid $250 for it! It's not even worth it! Ugh....and the truck she has, that belonged to her dad, isn't even drivable....and that's sitting at the tow lot too...Great lol. Just great. What else can I do but laugh?!
And then we're moving in May. Cool....awesome, no more Navy!!!! It'll be nice to not have to have them yank my hubby around all over hell's 40 acres....it gets REALLY old after a while....but anyway. I have to go for now, kiddo is awake, I will write more later.
2 days ago
