Now, where did I leave off....

So yes....I just wish things would kick into gear a bit more. And I know, I know I'm pre-emptively worrying about things before I can really even have time to actually do something about them...but that's how I work, and anyone who knows me, knows that.

I worry about not being able to provide for my baby. I'd like to see one person that has kids NOT worry about that, and I'd show you a bad parent! You know? EVERYONE who has a child or children worries about that stuff. So of course I worry about that, but I worry about it A LOT more than the average person. Seeing as how I have gone without before, I have gone to bed hungry, I have gone to sleep only to wake up to find out the electricity/water/cable/phone/whatever has been shut off, I have gone to the food shelter to get food and clothing before, I have been homeless-living out of my car, I have honestly sat there and wondered, "Where am I going to go?" And I would NEVER, even if he won't remember it, EVER want my child to ever be put in that position. No way no how. I will always be able to provide for my baby. And I know, I know I am SOO overshooting this one, but it's the worst case scenario-and that's a bad thought habit of mine that I'll have to break. I just want my family to be happy. I will do whatever I can to make that happen. Isn't that what a good wife/mother does?

I just want to have a place of our own....I don't mind living with in laws for a while, but not a LONG while...I don't think I could handle that. I love them dearly, but you know? Once you've been on your own, you get set in your ways, you do things the way you do them, and you like to have your routine. I'm just so damn sick of my routine getting all fucked up in the mix. Makes me crazy...I just want to maintain our 'normalcy'. Whatever the hell that might be...I have seemingly found some kind of normalcy for us.....at least for me and my baby anyway. As long as Pete is in the Navy, he will have no normalcy lol. That's typical though. :)

But a HUGE part of me will miss the Navy/Military life. I will miss the friends we've made here, and I will miss the friends that came with us from CA to VA. I miss our friends that we had in Twentynine Palms, CA SOOOO much it hurts. They were some of the most awesome individuals EVER. The bonds that they all had, since some of them had done numerous deployments to Iraq together, are like none other I have ever seen. And it's great to see these awesome guys, these Marines, treat everyone-especially their Corpsman, with the utmost respect. Anyone who knows anything knows that any Marine worth their salt will treat their Corpsman like gold. Anyone with the nickname, "Doc" has damn well earned that nickname. No doubt about that. My hat goes off to anyone who has served any branch of the military....but I have a special soft spot in my heart for Corpsmen....and the Marines that love them. I really really do....A part of me is going to miss this loyalty and friendship that we've made. And I will miss the military lifestyle a bit as well...It seems no matter what side of life we all choose, there's always going to be a sacrifice of some kind. It's just something that has to be done I guess.

I know going home will be worth it...I Just wish I knew what the future held. I wish I knew that Pete would find a good job and soon, and he would be able to support us and we could live comfortably, not a rich life, but just comfortable. We're a simple family really....and we just need basic things. You know, like to be able to pay the bills lol. And go out and have some fun now and again, like going to a movie. Nothing huge. I just want to be able to do that. Oh yeah, and put some food in the fridge would be good too. :) And to have a roof over our head, I'm going to be picky and say a home. Not an apartment. We're done with apartment living if we can help it. Ugh....the thought of an apartment makes me CRINGE lol...but I'll take what I can get. I Just don't like them. I've lived in them long enough....I like not having someone stomping above me, or worrying that I'll piss someone off below me....you know? I hope and pray we can find a house. A townhome would be ideal...just like the one we live in now.

I have some hard praying to do lol....